“The Big Crap Game”
“Oooh, Las Vegas
Ain’t no place for a poor boy like me,
Every time I hit your crystal City you know
You’re gonna make a wreck out of me.”
By Rich Lindbloom
In 1975, Emmy Lou Harris recorded her first #1 Country Album entitled, Elite Hotel. Besides the very catchy, Oooh, Las Vegas, the album contained an assortment of songs that included, Feelin’ Single, Seein’ Double, Sin City, Satan’s Jewel Crown and Till I Gain Control Again. The album and song came to mind after a less than stellar performance against the Wild bunch last Tuesday.
Matt McClure from TheCommittedIndian had the quote of the week in his wrap up on Wednesday morning. “Is everyone going to get their tough guy boners out and feel great about themselves when the Hawks have a bag skate tomorrow or Thursday because of this after the Vegas trip? Very likely. Because nothing screams “a nation first settled by Puritans” like taking pleasure in seeing a good time punished.” Although I smile every time I read that last line, even a tenderfoot Christian knows, “The wages of sin is death.” It’s hard to not ballyhoo the fact, that the game after the trip to Sin City might have been the worst Hawk effort since Edmonton beat us about 15-0 a couple of years ago. The one where Gagner had like 4 goals and 4 assists.
All of the post-game analysis seemed to focus on the word shit or one of its derivatives – shittier, shittiest, played like shit, looked like a pile of … You get the idea. The boys at HockeeNight had a pretty gross picture of a polar bear taking a dump; for those of you who like pictures more than reading, their visual representations often times capture the essence of a particular game. Obviously, they nailed this game!
In the beginning of the first period I thought to myself, I wonder if someone in the Wild locker room spiked the coffee with methamphetamine. However, when it was pointed out during the broadcast that the Hawks were playing the first game since the licentious get away, well, let’s just say the Puritans just might have been on to something. Unfortunately, it seems that those of us who were compelled to watch the game to the bitter end, were the ones being punished. Don’t you hate it when all that’s left in a contest worth watching is hoping you can break the other goalies shutout? Trust me, when all was said and done, the Hawk players were not the only ones who felt like shit that night.
Look, if the truth be known, I’ve been on the wrong end of a good time once or twice in my life. I doubt that I will ever be mistaken for a Puritan. As Dan Hicks once sang, “Was it that cocaine, that caused me to exclaim, as I hit the floor, give me more, give me more.” I’ve never been to Vegas myself, but when I talk to friends who have, they all seem to sing a common refrain, “I only got 3 hours of sleep the whole weekend.” Sound familiar? [Editor’s Note: Yes, Rich. It very much does.] In retrospect, I’m not so sure letting a bunch of millionaires loose in Crystal City for a few days is the best way to prepare them for their next contest. Did Herb Brooks take the 1980 Olympic team to Vegas? – I rest my case!
One might draw the conclusion that Corey Crawford is still on probation after the mosh pit incident. It did not appear he over indulged in his teammates Bacchian worshipping ways. Corey was often times spectacular, turning away 40 of the Wild’s 43 shots. There were no signs of sleep deprivation in his game. His counterpart, Devan Dubnyk, turned away all 24 shots launched at him, although I’m not sure any of those shots would have broken a pane of glass. Dubnyk has three shutouts since joining the Wild. He’s what’s known as a hot shooter in craps jargon.
One of the funniest goalie comments I ever read was from one of the writers at the Fantasy Hockey web site, dailyfaceoff.com a few years back. While describing potential goalie pick-ups he noted, “If you do have to pick up an Edmonton goalie to get the goalie starts in, and I pray that you do not, Dubnyk would be the one.” Nikolai Khabibulin was their other option. I’m not sure I trust giving Devan the keys to the playoff car yet, but I did add him in one of my Fantasy Leagues. And I do know hockey!
Randy Holt at secondcityhockey.com noted that for a team that is as goal starved as the Hawks last night, maybe Coach Q should not have played out 4th line, Nordstrom/Freddy/Smith as much as he did. I thought this was the hardest working line the Hawks had going last Tuesday – apparently Coach Q agreed with me. (He’s finally wizening up!)They probably got wiped out at the Blackjack table early the preceding night. I can hear Agent Smith now, “Let’s go play with our race cars.” The Tazer line had a total of 2 shots on goal.
While in principle I agree with Randy’s statement, it was obvious a few of the Hawks were running on empty. Clearly, the Wild looked like they were in fifth gear of a Ferrari, while most of the Hawks were skating in the “Eco Mode” of a Toyota Prius. Trust me, you’re not going to go whizzing by to many people in “Eco Mode.” Even Duncan Keith, who I know and admire, was a stride and a half off. Seabs looked like he was trying to drag the moon over the mountain, ala “The Songbird of the South,” Kate Smith.
Wild coach Mike Yeo was quite pleased with his team’s effort, noting they played a lot of north/south hockey. This basically means they were moving in somewhat straight lines up and down the ice. The Hawks meanwhile were relegated a lot of the east/west hockey. Generally speaking, it’s hard to get shots on goal when you are not skating towards the opposition’s goalie. It did make me think though; does Yeo really know which way the Xcel Energy Center faces? Could the goals be aligned opposite each other in an east/west scenario like at the United Center? Perhaps that could explain some of the Wild’s shortcomings the last few years!
Tracey Meyers pointed out something that I was thinking about half way through the Wild game. In #5 of her “Five Things” wrap up, she noted the Hawks might want to play a little angrier. Great minds think alike as they say. As I became more and more disgruntled, knowing the game was pretty much over when Minnie went up 2-0, I started thinking. “Maybe we need a player like Scott of Bollig to start a fight to get things going.” Seriously, that thought actually entered my mind! Sometimes you need to wipe the shit eating grins off the opposition’s ugly mugs. That always has been, and always will be, an integral part of hockey. When nothing, nothing is going right, Hit Someone!
In closing, I’m reminded of a story from Harvey Wittenberg’s book “Tales from the Chicago Blackhawks.” Harvey was the announcer for the Hawks for many seasons. I’m sure a lot of you will succumb to a nostalgic moment when I recall Harvey’s trademark, “One minute left to play in the period.” In his book he tells a tale of two players caught out past curfew the night before a game in Montreal.
Chris Chelios and Steve Smith let time slip away from them as they lit up the town that night. When they realized how late it was, they hurried back to the hotel. When the elevator door slid open, there was coach Mike Keenan staring at them. Both Chelios and Smith were surprised when Keenan didn’t say anything at the morning or pregame skate. They noted that they thought they might be riding the pine a lot that evening. They ended up starting the game though.
In Harvey’s words; “The game was nearly two minutes old when they both headed to the bench after a whistle. Kennan stoops at the bench door stone faced, and pointed his finger at them to stay on the ice. A few more minutes and another whistle sent Smith and Chelios heading back to the bench, but again they were turned away by Keenan. The first period wore on as Smith and Chelios realized their curfew punishment: playing almost 40 exhausting minutes with little rest, and a 4-2 loss to Montreal.”
And you thought Herb Brooks was insane.
“First time I lose I drink whiskey,
Second time I lose I drink gin
Third time I lose I drink anything
Cause I think I’m going to win.
Oooh, Las Vegas, ain’t no place for a poor boy like me.”
Other important stuff:
Boy, the Western Conference is tough.
The Hawks played a very brave game against Winnipeg. A lot of self-sacrifice was as much a factor in the outcome as Patrick “Black Jack” Kane. He was hit by thunder, twice – true story.
David Rundblad needs to have a talk with Tracey Meyers about that anger element. Get mean #5.
Carcillo is not a good fighter, a very brave and tough nosed hockey player, but not a good fighter. It would have been nice to see someone back him up a bit.
One more story from Wittenberg’s book; “During a west coast swing, the team took a little break with a side trip to Vegas. It was Savard’s first trip there, and his teammates gave him a few pointers on how to play Blackjack. Savard was doing pretty good at the table, and his confidence was growing when he was dealt two queens while the dealer was showing a 7. Dennis said “Hit me.” The dealer questioned him and Doug Wilson tried to help him, but Savard insisted, “Hit me! The dealer responded, “Do you want to split them?” Dennis said “No!”Then the dealer called over a pit boss who again questioned Denis and Savvy held his ground. The dealer hit Savard’s hand witha “9” and the pit boss said, “That’s the highest hand in Vegas history!”
“He who gambles, lives in shambles.”
The Greek God Bacchus was known as the God of merriment and mirth. Legend has it, if you don’t go out and get stupid every now and again, you’ll go insane. I’m thinking Keenan never drank.
Well Hawks, I hope you got all that shit out of you!
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Rich Lindbloom
